Never Again – 9

 

"Thank God," Joseph whispered, reaching to take Rawleigh's hand. "I was so terrified of what you would think, how you would… would react to all of this."

"I shouldn't wonder," Rawleigh replied with a small smile. "I'm more than certain most people would have run, screaming, then returned to hunt you down in either form." He laced his fingers with Joseph's, giving a gentle tug. Joseph responded, sitting down beside him lover, leaning into to him when Rawleigh wrapped his arms tightly around him, shivering as a cool September breeze rustled the leaves on the trees and brushed over them. Rawleigh laughed softly. "You might be warm enough in that thick coat of fur, but naked and human, to all intents and purposes at least, you must be freezing." He leaned down to pick up Joseph's shirt and trousers, still keeping his other arm around him. "Put these on and then, well, I think we should talk about what comes next."

When Joseph was dressed and once again sitting next to Rawleigh he asked, "What does come next, as far as you're concerned?"

"I suppose, to start with, you tell me why you are… what do you call yourself, a werewolf? As in the legends?"

"A shifter. I was born human, but with shifter genes passed down from my mother and father." Joseph chuckled. "No one bit me. I wasn't attacked by a feral werewolf the way the stories tell. I was, to all intents and purposes, fully human until I hit puberty. Then the shifter genes began to take over. I was somewhat stronger than my peers, more agile, and when I'd get angry, my eyes would seem to glow. Still, I wasn't able to shift. That happened when I was twenty. We were living in New Orleans in 1814. When rumors abounded that the British were going to attack the city, my parents sent me and Elizabeth north. We were supposed to end up with our grandparents in Nashville." He smiled ruefully. "That didn't happen."

Rawleigh, listening intently, said when Joseph paused, "Don't stop now."

"I wasn't planning on it. But I will make a long story shorter. We were attacked by a group of renegade soldiers. They thought to capture Elizabeth and use her… well, I think you understand. The need to protect her triggered my shifting abilities."

"Did you know?"

"That I had the ability to shift? Yes. After all it was passed down from our parents and father was a full shifter, unlike mother who just carried the gene. So yes, I knew, and I knew what to expect. However I was unprepared for how painful it would be. It almost undid me but the need to save Elizabeth kept me sane, I suppose you could say. I dealt with the soldiers as they deserved. Once I had, however, I vowed to myself that never again would I attack and kill anyone in my shifter form. It terrified me, Rawleigh. The feeling of power—the need to destroy. I've learned since, it is rarely like that unless I'm protecting someone."

"So you don't shift too often anymore?"

"Oh I do. As Elizabeth pointed out just days ago, shifting is part of what I am. It's in my nature to do so and denying it has consequences."

"Then you've waited until I was gone to do it."

"At first, yes. But recently…" Joseph stared silently out across the glade.

"You stopped? Why, Joseph?"

"Because I love you and I didn't want to lose you. I, well, all shifters, age much more slowly than humans because each time we shift our bodies regenerate with the transformation. In time you would have begun to realize I still looked the way I did the day we met."

"You fool!" Rawleigh looked at him in horrified dismay. "You were willing to suffer whatever the consequences are that come from not shifting just because of me? You're insane."

"No, Rawleigh, I'm a man who loves you with all my heart. I thought I could control the negative sides of not shifting. Apparently, according to Elizabeth, I was doing a very poor job of it."

"Then it's a damned good thing you told me, isn't it?" Rawleigh reached for him and when Joseph didn't move away he pulled him into his arms, saying quietly, "You should shift again, now, and make up for all the time you've lost."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"No, you silly man, I wouldn't mind. It is, as you said, in your nature and who am I to deny you that."

Joseph chuckled. "Actually it was Elizabeth who said that."

"Ahh yes, so you said. Is she a shifter too?"

"She carries the gene, and with it some small benefits, but she doesn't seem to have the shifting ability, just as our mother didn't."

"Then she'd have to marry a full shifter to produce one. I guess that leaves me out." Rawleigh grinned when Joseph pulled away to look at him in horror. "Just teasing, my love. Just teasing. Now shift and go run or whatever it is you do." He pulled Joseph back to him, kissing him deeply. "I'll be right here when you return, I swear."

"I'm holding you to that," Joseph replied with a look filled with the promise of more to come when they returned to the city. Then he stripped off his clothes once again and shifted.

Never Again – 8

 

"Where are we going?" Rawleigh asked, looking at the two horses standing ready in the stable.

"For a ride," was all Joseph replied sharply when he mounted his, tightening the reins to keep the horse from shying away as he did.

Mounting the other horse, Rawleigh cocked an eyebrow. "For any special reason?"

"Yes," he growled in reply.

"Secrets, Joseph?"

"Only for an hour longer." He softened his tone. "I promise."

Rawleigh's mouth tightened in obvious frustration but he said nothing, just following Joseph as they cantered down the street to the river then east out of Richmond. Soon they were deep into a wooded area. Signs of one of the battles earlier in the year surrounded them, some blasted trees, still-trampled ground, but eventually that gave way to a less damaged area. Finally, Joseph came to a stop and dismounted.

By now it was dark, only the full moon above them lighting the small glade. After tethering their horses, Joseph pointed to a fallen log well away from them. "Please, sit and listen. What I have to tell you…" He took a deep breath. "Just believe I am not lying or saying this with the intent of driving you away from me."

The worried, almost panicked look on Rawleigh's face as he sat did little to alleviate Joseph's fears that he would soon lose the man he loved. His sister was correct, however, he could no longer keep his secret to himself.

Hands now gripped tightly behind his back, Joseph paced the glade. "I don't know how to begin," he said quietly. "There is something about me I have to tell you if our love is going to survive. And yet, if I do, you may hate me or think me insane." Pain colored his words but he forced himself to continue. "You've seen much these past few years—war, death, destruction beyond belief. Through it all you've grown and become an exceptional human. A human I love more than I ever thought possible. More than I should have allowed, for both our sakes."

"A strange way to phrase it, Joseph, to call me a human, not a man."

"I know, but from my perspective that's what you are. A human."

"And you're not?" Rawleigh said with a soft snort of amusement.

"No." Joseph looked at him with pain-filled eyes. "I am… more than human."

Rawleigh returned his gaze, his look full of questions. "What does that mean, more than human? Do you think you're—" he paused, "—a god? An angel fallen from Heaven? A demon come up from Hell? What, Joseph? Tell me. What do you think you are?"

"It's not what I think but what I know. I'm not delusional, Rawleigh, although at the moment I'm sure you don't believe it." He turned away to resume pacing. "In this world there are many creatures. Most of them you and everyone else know about. Some, a very few…" Joseph hesitated, frowning deeply. "For us it's not safe if we reveal ourselves. People would not understand. We know that from past experience. We are an anathema, something to be hunted and killed without remorse." He spun around, staring at Rawleigh. "You may want to kill me when I show you what I am."

"I could never kill you, Joseph. If you were Satan himself I could never kill you. I love you. So… show me." Rawleigh's voice trembled as he spoke, but he remained where he was, not attempting to flee from whatever his lover was going to do.

Joseph first undressed then came to kneel before Rawleigh, crouching on all fours. He took a deep breath then began to transform. For a moment it seemed as if nothing was happening. Then slowly his hands and feet grew, lengthening, changing into massive paws. His jaw lengthened as well, expanding forward, taking on a lupine shape with sharp, pointed ears set on the top of his head. His shoulders broadened, his back narrowed down to thick, muscular haunches. Soon fur covered his body, a thick coat of black fur, blending down to a deep gray, and to pale gray across his muzzle. His tail, when it appeared, was full and bushy, pure black, tipped with gray.

Rawleigh watched with a mixture of terror and wonder on his face. Slowly, ever so slowly, he reached out one hand to touch the wolf, drawing it down over his muzzle, tension defining his every move. "If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I would not have believed it possible," he said in a shaky voice.

The wolf nuzzled his hand.

"You are quite… remarkable, handsome, incredible, and… and fearsome. Can you change back? And that sounded stupid. Of course you can. Will you, Joseph? Please."

The wolf nodded and soon it was Joseph crouching there, looking up at Rawleigh. "Are you going to run now, from the aberration that is me?" he asked, his voice taut with fear while he waited for Rawleigh's reply.

Slowly, Rawleigh shook his head. "I could. Perhaps I should. But I won't. As strange as this may sound, seeing you like that, knowing you trusted me enough to show me what you truly are, makes me love you more, not less."

Never Again – 7

 

And so it began. A year passed with the two men spending as much time as possible in each other's company—and Joseph's bed—when Rawleigh was in the city. The war had expanded and as it did, Rawleigh was home less and less, only coming back to file his stories before vanishing again a day later.

Rawleigh covered each battle of the Union's failed attempt to take Richmond in June of 1862, returning to the heart of the city, and to Joseph, more often than he had been able to before.

While neither man quite expressed their feeling for each other in words, Joseph knew Rawleigh loved him. Much to his dismay, he also knew he had fallen deeply in love with the young reporter as well.

Early one September afternoon of that year, while Rawleigh was gone again, heading north to cover the campaigns in Maryland, Elizabeth cornered her brother in his office.

He looked up from the editorial he was writing when he heard the door open. One look at her face and he knew something was wrong. He asked what it was.

"It's you, Joseph. You and what you're doing to yourself."

"Which would be?" he said, knowing full well what she meant, even as he hoped he was wrong.

She closed the door firmly and came closer, bringing a chair next to his desk. Sitting, she laid her hand on his arm. "You know. You are denying your nature because of this boy."

"He's hardly a boy," Joseph protested.

"Boy, man, whatever you want to call him, you are still denying your nature and I know why." She shook her head, looking at him in dismay. "Because you are not shifting, you are aging, Joseph. Not much and no one other than I might notice it yet, but still you are. On top of which you are becoming short-tempered with everyone. Your employees do their best to stay out of your path, whether you realize it or not. Even I do, when I can. You just about bit my head off this morning over something so minor you would have laughed it off half a year ago."

Joseph lowered his gaze, staring down at his desk. "I have no choice, Elizabeth. He's not a fool. He would begin to wonder why I never seem to grow older."

"Then leave him, Joseph," she said adamantly. "Walk away or send him away. Otherwise you will end up destroying yourself."

"I love him, Elizabeth," he replied softly, almost sadly.

"And so you refuse to shift to what you are, contrary to all that is in you and what it is doing to you? Tell me, Joseph, do you think he would want you to deny your being, your essence, for him? If he loves you, it would be the last thing he'd want."

He shook his head. "But how… how can I tell him?"

She smiled, patting his hand. "You're a man of words, just as he is. And, like him, a man of action. Take him out, away from the city to somewhere safe, and show him. I think… I truly think, he can handle it and will respect and love you more for trusting him with our secret."

Never Again – 6

 

The evening was warm, a blessed relief from the past few days that had been unseasonably chilly in Joseph's opinion. He turned to Rawleigh, suggesting they go down toward the river, away from the streets that were still busy even at that hour of the night.

As they strolled, Joseph could sense the tension rolling off his companion. The question is, am I willing to ease it. Or perhaps more to the point, how will I alleviate it? Verbally or physically?

He was more than willing to admit, to himself at least, that taking the young man to his bed would not be an unwelcome venture. He did trust Rawleigh to the extent of believing he would never reveal what happened, should they have a one-time fling or a relationship lasting for a few months. And that was as long as it would continue, if it even began. Rawleigh was human. Joseph avoided long-term connections with them on any personal level for obvious reasons. While the humans he came in contact with on a day-to-day basis might not realize he aged very slowly, a lover would undoubtedly pick up on the fact if they were around him for an extended period of time. He was not willing to let it happen. His very life depended on it.

As they neared the river, the streets darkened and, conversely, Joseph's mood lightened when he finally reached a decision. He put his arm around Rawleigh's shoulders in a companionable manner.

Rawleigh stiffened, asking quietly, "What are you doing? What if…if someone sees us?"

"Look around. We're the only ones here at the moment and even if we weren't, we're just two friends out for a stroll after a bit too much to drink."

"We didn't…" Then Rawleigh understood and smiled. "Way too much, so you need to keep me on my feet."

"Precisely." Joseph grinned, pulling him even closer. "And as we're nearing my house, I think it would behoove me invite you in until you sobered up a bit."

"Oh, I definitely agree." Rawleigh glanced around, obviously wondering which of the few houses they were nearing was Joseph's.

"The red brick one with the white-pillared porch," Joseph told him, picking up on what he was doing.

"Three stories tall. You must be somewhat well-to-do."

"Not really. Elizabeth shared it with me for a brief time but we both discovered we liked our privacy, so she moved to a smaller one down the block." Joseph pointed to a two-story clapboard house.

"She's safe? Living alone like that?"

Joseph nodded, trying not to laugh. Very safe, considering what she is. Aloud, he explained that his sister was a crack shot and kept two guns at her disposal, a fact that was well known in the neighborhood.

When they arrived on the porch of Joseph's house, Rawleigh hesitated. "Are you…? Is this…?"

Instead of replying immediately, Joseph unlocked the door and eased the young man inside. "I am, and this is, if you're willing," he said, once he'd closed the door behind them.

After taking a deep breath, Rawleigh nodded. "I am. I've been, well, you'll probably think me silly, but I've dreamt of this. Often."

"I can't honestly say the same, I'm afraid, but the thought has crossed my mind once or twice." Slipping one arm around Rawleigh's waist, Joseph pulled him close enough to feel the heat of his body and the slight bulge in his trousers. He cupped the nape of his neck beneath his dark hair, his eyes scanning Rawleigh's face as he looked for any indication he might have second thoughts.

"Kiss me," Rawleigh whispered. "Kiss me then take me to your bed."

Joseph had no problem complying with the first request. He started gently, just the barest of pressure as his lips met Rawleigh's. It only took an instant for him to drop any pretense of reluctance. Joseph's mouth devoured the young man's. His tongue darted in to taste, savor, and fight for dominance.

Rawleigh broke the kiss, but only so he could grasp Joseph's hands and pull him toward the narrow staircase leading to the second floor. They made it to Joseph's bedroom where the kiss resumed as they tore off unwanted clothing.

"You're… incredible," Rawleigh pronounced, taking in the now-naked man standing in front of him. "Absolutely amazingly incredible."

"We haven't even done anything," Joseph replied, smiling. "So how can you say that?"

Rawleigh played his fingers over Joseph's muscular torso, tracing each well-defined line then following the trail of dark hair leading down past his navel to the thick phallus jutting up, just begging to be worshiped. And worship it he did, with tongue and lips as he knelt in front of Joseph.

Joseph hadn't been lying when he said it had been a long time since he'd been with a man. He might not truly have been celibate, but he was close enough to it so it took all of his willpower to refrain from coming then and there when Rawleigh's hot mouth encompassed his member.

"Enough"—Joseph groaned—"unless you wish this to end too soon."

Rawleigh released him, looking up. "I want this to last forever," he murmured, rising to his feet so he could kiss Joseph yet again.

Wrapping his arms around the young man, Joseph returned the fevered kiss while taking two steps back so his could tumble them onto his bed. With Rawleigh now sprawling on his chest, Joseph had free rein to slide his hands lower, molding them over Rawleigh's firm buttocks, squeezing and caressing. His fingers moved as if of their own volition to separate the cheeks of Rawleigh's ass, one finger tracing light circles around his tight hole.

"Yes," Rawleigh moaned into Joseph's mouth. "More… please…"

Joseph paused just long enough to moisten his fingers with saliva before gently pressing one into Rawleigh deeply enough to stroke his sensitive gland. Rawleigh responded with a cry of pleasure, aching up—the kissing forgotten it seemed when he moaned in ecstasy.

"I've barely begun and already you're close to coming," Joseph said with a small laugh as he wrapped his other hand around Rawleigh's hard member, two fingers tightening around the base. He slid a second finger into his hole, using both to stretch the tight muscle.

"I want… I need…" Rawleigh almost sobbed out the words

"Soon, soon," Joseph whispered, removing his fingers despite Rawleigh's protests then sliding him off his chest onto the bed. "But not too soon, else I'll hurt you."

Rawleigh rolled onto his back, his throbbing erection leaking prodigiously. Joseph's mouth descended, his tongue teasing up and down its length, his own member pulsing with need.

"Back onto your stomach," he ordered, softening his tone to add, "please." When Rawleigh quickly complied, thrusting his buttocks into the air, Joseph chuckled. "So ready, so willing."

"So wanting you inside of me," Rawleigh moaned.

"As I said, soon." Moving between his legs, Joseph spread the cheeks of Rawleigh's ass and began to tease his hole with his tongue, circling it slowly until Rawleigh thrust back, obviously wanting it in him.

"You will drive me to insanity," Rawleigh moaned.

"I do intend to try." Joseph eased his tongue in, letting his saliva lubricate the entrance as much as possible.

"Now, now." Rawleigh's voice was tight with need.

Joseph pulled back. "Shush. Soon." His member was covered with leaking pre-cum. Spitting into the palm of his hand, he added saliva to the mix as he pulled back his foreskin. He hoped, when he finished, he was lubricated enough to enter Rawleigh without hurting him too much.

"I am neither a babe nor an innocent, Joseph," Rawleigh muttered, his voice fraught with tension. "I will, however, die of frustration if you do not pierce me soon."

With a low chuckle, Joseph did exactly that, pushing in inch by inch, his senses open to any nuance that would tell him he was too much for Rawleigh, even as every fiber of his being wanted to thrust hard and fast. His fingers bit into the young man's hips as he fought for restraint, eliciting a small bark of surprise from Rawleigh. "Sorry," Joseph murmured.

Instead of replying, Rawleigh thrust back, impaling himself completely on Joseph's thick shaft with a cry halfway between pain and total pleasure.

"You fool," Joseph barked out, gripping him tightly to keep him still for a moment.

"If you won't do it… well, someone had to," Rawleigh gasped in reply.

Then, slowly at first, Joseph began to ride him and with each stroke pleasure flooded his body until he was unable to rein in his need for more. Faster, harder, he plunged in, one hand now wrapped firmly around Rawleigh's rampant member. Rawleigh moaned, matching thrust for thrust and between one breath and the next, they both exploded, their orgasms sending them beyond rapture into nirvana.

"By all that's holy," Rawleigh whispered when he regained his voice, "I knew it would be wonderful, but this—this was heaven beyond belief."

Joseph laughed delightedly as he pulled away and collapsed onto the bed, wrapping his arms tightly around Rawleigh. "The reporter surfaces with colorful words to describe…" Rawleigh's kiss ended what he was going to say—not that he minded in the least.

Never Again – 5

 

The next few weeks were too hectic for anything to happen between the two men other than work. Not that Joseph would have allowed it but he didn't get the chance to say so.

Rawleigh vanished periodically to cover stories; Joseph wrote several editorials scathingly denouncing those who did not support the secession and with his help Elizabeth kept the day-to-day business of the paper running as smoothly as possible.

President Lincoln had ordered the blockade of southern ports and when the Norfolk Virginia navy yard was evacuated, Rawleigh was there. He seemed to be gone more than he was in the city as the war spread and he followed it.

It was the middle of May before he returned for an extended period of time. He filed his most recent stories then seemed unwilling to leave again, hanging around the Gazette offices like a lost waif. Finally, one evening, Joseph decided he'd had enough of it.

"Dinner, and you will tell me what is going on with you while we eat," he said firmly to the younger man.

"As you wish," Rawleigh replied with ill grace. But the brief flare of relief that crossed his face belied his tone of voice.

After they were seated in a small restaurant not too far from the Gazette with their dinners ordered, Joseph leaned back, looking appraisingly at his employee. "Has something happened in your travels that you don't wish to tell me? Perhaps you've met someone special and want to move to where they are?"

And if that doesn't get him to open up about what I firmly suspect is bothering him… although I hope I'm wrong about it.

Rawleigh shook his head. "It's nothing like that."

"But there is something."

After taking a deep breath, Rawleigh nodded. "Please don't take this the wrong way"—he smiled slightly—"although I doubt there's a right way in which it can be taken. I find you… fascinating, as a person and as a man. There, I've said it! Now you can feel free to tell me I am wrong to think that way then send me packing."

"Now why would I object to being flattered by a handsome young man?"

"It's not flattery. Well, perhaps it is, but not in the way you are taking it." Rawleigh leaned closer, his elbows resting on the table. "I… there is no way to say this except straight out. I am a man who likes men," he explained, his voice barely above a whisper.

Joseph nodded. "I had figured that out, so you're not telling me something I wasn't already aware of."

"I suppose I should be happy you're not shocked."

"Why would I be? I've met a few men who enjoy same-sex love, although they keep it to themselves as much as possible."

"Then how do you…?" Rawleigh's eyes widened. "You are one of them? Of us?"

Joseph chuckled softly. "Indeed."

Rawleigh seemed to contemplate his admission, his fingers drumming a tattoo on the table. Eventually he asked, very hesitantly, "Do you find me interesting?"

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't. However, before you get your hopes up, I am celibate and have been so for many years. I find it safer that way, as my enemies would happily use it against me if they found out."

And please God let him believe my lie.

"I wouldn't tell anyone, I swear. I know how to keep secrets. Well"—a tiny smile turned his lips up—"personal secrets. Given that I'm a reporter, most others are just fodder for my stories."

"And when… if we were to act on our needs and you were to become disenchanted, then what? Would I become fodder too?"

"Never!" Rawleigh protested. "Do you think I'm that dishonorable?"

Joseph chuckled. "You are a reporter. Some people would say dishonor comes with the job."

"But not you." Hope limned Rawleigh's face as he asked.

"I've known honorable reporters—and others. Not many, but a few."

For the moment, Rawleigh had to be satisfied with Joseph's reply since the waiter appeared with their meals. Once they began to eat, he attempted several times to continue their conversation only to be met with apparent disinterest from his dining companion.

Finally they were finished. Joseph beckoned for the waiter, asked for the bill, and paid it before standing. "Let's walk off our meal," he said shortly, heading to the door without waiting to see if Rawleigh followed.